5 reasons to hold a family meeting now

Summary

• Family meetings about estate plans prevent conflicts by ensuring your wishes are clearly communicated beyond what legal documents alone can provide.
• Open discussions about your estate plan create opportunities to share your values, explain the reasoning behind your decisions and introduce family members to your advisors.
• Clarifying roles and responsibilities during a family meeting allows designated executors and healthcare proxies to understand their duties and express any concerns before they must act.

Let’s be honest—discussing death and money isn’t exactly comfortable for most people. In fact, many families avoid these conversations entirely. According to one survey, more than a third of Americans don’t plan to discuss wealth transfer with their families, and only a quarter have actually had the discussion.¹

Yet as challenging as it can be to initiate these conversations, they often result in exchanges that wind up strengthening, not weakening, family bonds. They can give you the opportunity to share your values, explain your wishes and create the kind of clarity that no legal document alone can provide.

Here are five compelling reasons to step out of your comfort zone and gather your family to discuss your estate plan.

1. You can prevent family conflicts.

A solid estate plan extends far beyond legal documents—it thrives on open family dialogue. While wills and trusts provide the framework, face-to-face communication brings your wishes to life. Holding a family meeting creates an invaluable opportunity for loved ones to hear your wishes directly from you. This personal exchange allows for nuanced discussions that written documents can’t fully capture. When family members understand your intentions firsthand, they’re better equipped to honor your wishes as a united family. A lack of communication between family members, on the other hand, can undermine even the most carefully crafted estate plans, potentially damaging both financial security and family relationships.

2. A conversation allows you to share your values and legacy.

Family meetings provide an opportunity to connect your estate planning decisions to your broader family values and history. For instance, if you’re planning to fund education or designate charitable giving, sharing the story behind these choices adds meaningful context. Whether these priorities reflect values inherited from your parents or emerged from your own life experiences, helping the next generation understand the "why" behind your decisions strengthens your family's legacy.

3. Your family will know where to turn for help.

A family meeting provides the perfect opportunity to introduce your trusted team of professionals—your financial advisor, attorney and accountant—who can help your loved ones navigate estate administration. Having these relationships already established makes a difference when the time comes. Ensure your family knows how to reach these professionals and where to find important documents, keys to safety deposit boxes and other essential information. This advance preparation helps your loved ones avoid the stress of coordinating with unfamiliar advisors during an already challenging time.

4. You can clarify roles and responsibilities.

A family meeting provides an essential opportunity to discuss the specific roles outlined in your estate plan—particularly your choices for executor and healthcare proxy (the person designated to carry out your medical directives in end-of-life situations). While legal documents formally establish these appointments, having an open conversation about what these roles entail is invaluable.

For example, your chosen executor may possess strong financial skills, but the role requires significant time commitment. Your eldest daughter, selected for her business acumen, might realize the responsibilities conflict with her growing career demands. Similarly, the family member entrusted with medical decisions may feel apprehensive about making such consequential healthcare choices, especially if that person doesn’t live in your area. A nearby relative—one who could accompany you to appointments and speak with doctors, if needed—might be a better choice.

These candid discussions, though potentially challenging, give everyone a voice and create space for loved ones to express concerns, ask questions and fully understand their future responsibilities.

5. You can leverage your advisor’s expertise.

A skilled financial advisor brings valuable perspective to family meetings, having guided many families through similar discussions. They can help arrange and prepare for these meetings—and even facilitate them, serving as an objective moderator and offering insights about financial and logistical considerations. When concerns or disagreements arise, they can provide balanced guidance as a trusted mediator.

We’re here to help.

Talk to your TIAA Wealth Management advisor for questions about or help with your estate plan. Don’t yet have an advisor? Schedule an appointment.